


as this sun rises

by atemzug



Category: A Pink (Band), BTOB
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Feeling of Resignation, Hopeful Ending, Introspection, Maybe - Freeform, Unspecified Setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:15:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22049974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atemzug/pseuds/atemzug
Summary: Chorong is the sun. Changsub would never dare to get too close.
Relationships: Lee Changsub/Park Chorong
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	as this sun rises

The fireworks display tonight is slightly grander than the last time, Changsub notes as he looks out the window. The bright lights outside are blinding. If he was outside his apartment, he's sure the noise would be deafening, too. Sometimes, he wonders what it would be like to celebrate with everyone, to not be holed up in this small space he dares to call his home all the time. 

He lets the curtain fall back, blocking him from the rest of the world, and walks away. He enjoys his solitude way too much to be bothered. Everything outside of the four walls of this space is superficial, anyway. It's laughable, how people celebrate nothing. It's not like tomorrow will be warm. It's not like tomorrow will be any different from today, or yesterday, or even the day before-- or years and years ago when everything first fell into pieces. 

He doesn't understand why people even bother. Nothing will change. Things won't get better. All they're really doing is _surviving,_ living out their days in this place. He can't believe that there are people who even dare to have families. How can anyone be selfish enough to raise children in a place like this? He will never understand how people can still be hopeful.

  
  
  
  
  


There's a knock on the door, waking Changsub up. He fell asleep on the ratted couch while waiting for her. She comes in without waiting for a response, as she always does.

"I brought you coffee," she says. 

"Again?" he asks.

She just nods.

"Those are from Seunghee, aren't they?"

She sighs. "You should visit your sister. Her son's almost a year old and he hasn't even seen you yet."

"'Cause my nephew would love to see his perpetually caffeinated uncle."

She rolls her eyes, but joins him on the couch. He opens his arms and she fits right in, like a puzzle piece.

That's what Chorong has always been-- someone who completes him. Then again, maybe that's not the proper metaphor to use. Changsub can't even remember a life without her in it; she's always just been there, like some absolute part of him that, when taken away, would certainly leave a void too deep for stale coffee and alcohol to fill. 

Puzzle pieces are made to fit together.

He and Chorong are made together.

As sappy as it sounds, that's what he believes in. What other explanation could there possibly be as to why they're both still here? 

  
  
  
  
  


His mom died years ago, barely a year after _the_ _fall._ She left a void, the first ever Changsub had to go through. That was okay, though; he had Chorong, his friends, coffee, alcohol, and some hope left to get him by. But years went by, and one by one, everyone started leaving. Years went by, and what little hope there was left in Changsub started leaving him too. 

Here he is now.

He has a younger sister. She's one of those hopeful ones trying to build families and attempt to live normal lives. He wants to be supportive of her, but he thinks it's too foolish to try living a normal life when everything is already meaningless.

"They do it because there's nothing else to look forward to," Chorong tells him. 

He nods, believing her. Because she's all that's left to believe in.

  
  
  
  
  


"Don't you wish there's something else to look forward to?" she breathes onto his skin. 

He holds her tightly, murmuring a soft _I do_ in her ear. 

Changsub doesn't tell anyone - would never tell anyone - but he wishes every day that things didn't have to be this way. He wishes every day that everything that happened years ago didn't have to happen. He wishes every day he didn't have to be soulless, resigned, barely alive. He wishes every day he were answering _I do_ to a different question.

He wishes every day he could tell her he loves her, that he had the guts to let her believe everything will eventually be okay.

He wishes every day she'd be the first one to say it.

But all Chorong says are things like, _Visit your sister. Visit your friends. Go outside. Get some sun._

She doesn't know that she's the sun: radiant, beautiful, blinding. And if Changsub dares to move a little closer, he'd be dead in a heartbeat.

  
  
  
  
  


Changsub wakes up in the middle of the night. He can faintly hear the loud cheering from outside.

 _Happy New Year!_ people are shouting.

He lets out a quiet sigh. What could be happy about the new year? What could be happy about getting through the previous one, knowing there's nothing to look forward to in the next? What could be happy in knowing that what the new year brings is nothing more and nothing less than the previous one?

What could be happy about being alive in a lifeless place for years and years and years?

Beside him, Chorong stirs, snuggling closer. He can feel her breath on his skin, soft and warm. Her lips graze his bare chest; it tickles a little, but it breathes some life into him. 

It's been like this for years now. He's amazed that there's still so much life left in Chorong, that she can still manage to supply his. He thinks he drains her out, and wonders how she's still alive.

He's thankful - extremely so - and he wishes he could do something, anything, in return. But even she knows that there's nothing Changsub can give but a few fleeting moments of pleasure, a false sense of intimacy.

She knows he's scared.

He knows she's scared.

They both know the world is a scary place to be in, and love is an even scarier state to be in. 

  
  
  
  
  


A sliver of light sneaks past through the opening between the curtains, accusing.

 _There is still light,_ it wants to scream. 

_There is still light,_ Changsub wants to scream.

He looks at Chorong, sleeping soundly beside him, her head pressed close to his heart. She's warm, and she's alive. She's all that he has, the only thing that isn't superficial in a world that's bleak, where nothing else matters but lungs still breathing, however slow, and hearts still beating, however faint. Hell, she might as well be the sun, the center of the universe, the one who gives off light and life and makes the world go around.

The sun is rising, and with it, a new day-- a new _year,_ even. And maybe a tiny, little fraction of Changsub's heart wishes that along with those, too, is a thin sliver of hope for a new, better tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> if you read to the end of the fic, then thank you. happy new year! let's all welcome the start of a new decade with smiles on our faces. :)
> 
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/crashingfalling)


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